Miles might separate you, but your intimacy need not suffer. Here’s how to use phone sex to keep your long distance relationship spicy and hot - even if you’ve never done it before!
Maintain your intimacy
Rather than let your relationship go sour during weeks or months of separation, make it your mission to keep it sizzling. Mix a little phone sex play into the mix to invigorate your lackluster telephone conversations. When you’re apart, phone sex is the next best thing until you can dive into the real thing.
According to Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka “Dr. Romance”), psychotherapist and author of The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You’re Far Apart (Adams Media), phone sex is certainly a useful tool for couples in a long distance relationship as it keeps you both vividly recalling just how much you love and are aroused by each other.
“When you’re in a long distance relationship you need to keep it hot and not simply relax into just companionship only. Phone sex also makes the transition to the next time you are face to face easier,” says Dr. Tessina. “If you’ve learned to generate sexual feelings by voice only, you’ll get turned on easily when you’re in contact. It also keeps you from feeling so frustrated that you’re ultimately tempted to stray.”
Dr. Tessina offers these phone sex pointers for newbies:
1. Begin by telling your partner how much you enjoy sex with him or her.
“I can’t stop thinking about the last time we made love.” Then ask for a response: “Do you remember that? We were in the bedroom….”Follow that with some positive descriptions “Your skin was so wonderful to touch, and I got so turned on.”
Again, ask for a response, if one doesn’t come up right away ask, “What did you like most?” Then move to … “I’m getting turned on now, just talking about it, are you?”
2. Then go for a more detailed description.
“I can remember what it felt like to unbutton your (or my) shirt, knowing we were going to get closer together.”
“If you use the method I’ve suggested, working from a memory, the phone sex will be like your in-person sex — dirty-talking or not, just like the sex you have at home, ” says Dr. Tessina. “In fact, you should take care to make it as similar as possible, especially the first couple times. Once you’re both used to it, then experimentation can be fun — but not too soon, or you might upset your partner.
Five phone sex techniques couples can integrate into their long distance relationship
#1 Work from a memory of your sex when you are together, so it doesn’t feel strange.
#2 Don’t worry if it doesn’t go right the first time, just try again later. You’re just learning something new, and it may take a couple of tries.
#3 Be careful you’re not just doing it by yourself. That’s masturbating. Keep the conversation going back and forth by saying something, then asking how your partner feels about it. That keeps both of you involved and at similar places.
#4 Use your five senses. Talk to your partner about what you are seeing in your imagination, what you’re hearing, how you feel emotionally and physically, and what you remember about how sex with your partner tastes and smells,
#5 Everything you say needs to be positive. Talk about how much you love your partner, enjoy your partner, what feels good, what sounds good, how great you are feeling.
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