Role Playing 101

Sex life getting stale? Try switching it up with some fun, sexy role playing. This guide will help you free yourself to try something new; something good for your relationship.

Role playing?!

Just thinking of those words sends shivers down your spine and conjures outlandish leather get-ups, dog collars and handcuffs -three things you can’t imagine bringing into your bedroom… or can you? Let’s face it: Ongoing sex with the same person can get a bit stale. It’s not about love. It’s more the feeling that your sex life has become just another chore you need to check off your to-do list.

Of course, long-term monogamous sex will usually not cause the fireworks of a fresh, lustful relationship, incorporating a little role-playing into your bedroom may give your sex life the sizzle it lacks.

According to Jaiya, a certified somatic sexologist, author of Red Hot Touch: A Head-to-Toe Handbook for Mind-Blowing Orgasms and the creator of New World Sex Education, role play is important because it allows couples to step out of their everyday roles and gives them the freedom to try something new or often considered taboo.

“Role playing has many benefits and there is a lot that you can learn about and from each other as you step into these roles, “says Jaiya. “It can ultimately help couples keep things hot in the bedroom as it accesses parts of the brain that are responsible for the honeymoon period and having a great intimate life equals having a great relationship in many cases.”

Set some ground rules

It’s important to remember that you are always in a role (husband/wife, boss/employee), it is when you make a conscious effort to “play” and try on new roles that things can get very fun, but can also be frightening. If you are hesitant to step into a new role, just remember that you can always step back to where you feel comfortable or go as far as you and your partner would like. Often it is about exploring how far or deep you can go into the role; that is where the freedom lies.

Test the waters with this game of giving and receiving

Jaiya suggest newbies to the role playing game choose one of four types of characters to test-drive in their initial foray into the role playing game. Once they’ve decided which character they feel most comfortable assuming, they can choose a setting and then launch into their role-playing scenario!

The characters

Active giver: This person has the ability to uncover what their partner really desires. They ask questions to help uncover the most pleasurable ways to give unconditionally to their partner. They are 100% present with how they are giving. They play with the Passive Receiver.

Passive Giver: This person gives by allowing their partner to touch, caress and stimulate them in a way that their partner likes to touch or stimulate the Passive Giver. They give freely and unconditionally, not out of obligation or to get something in return.

Active Receiver: This person is great at receiving by “doing”. They work best with the “passive giver” because they are really able to get into the art of enjoying with their partner with their touch. They allow their hands, mouth, and body to really receive pleasure from what they are doing.

Passive Receiver: This person knows how to communicate to the “active giver” exactly what they desire so that they can just lay back and enjoy being touched, loved, and pleasured. The feel no need to get up and start giving, they soak up and savor every pleasure that is being given to them.

The settings

Massage Studio

Set up a massage studio with a table or mat on which to do massage. You will want to have an uninterrupted space with candles, soft music and lighting, plus oils and towels.

Spa

Use your bathroom to create a sensual spa atmosphere. Have naturally scented soaps, vibrating sponges, candles, and bath oils ready to use.

Tantric Temple

Use colorful scarves to decorate your bedroom. Burn incense and candles and play Indian or Eastern Music; set the scene so that one of you can be a Tantric Master.

Picnic Feast

Put together an amazing picnic lunch with succulent fruits, chocolate and other aphrodisiacs. Take a mat or blankets and set up in a private outdoor space if possible.

The game

Decide beforehand who will play what character and stick with what you choose. Make sure that you will have at least 30 minutes uninterrupted. Create roles that correspond to your setting and the character you will be. For example, if you have decided that you are going to be the Active Giver and your partner is the Passive Receiver and your setting is the Massage Studio, you would be the masseur and your partner the client. The only rule of the game is that you must sink as deep as possible into your role for a minimum of 30 minutes.